So, that profile you winked at is now your sweetie. Do you tell the world how you hooked up — or do you keep it a secret? Learn the new rules right here, thanks to our exclusive survey results and some savvy online daters.
“How’d you two meet?” Show up to any social event with a date and you’re bound to hear this question. And for the many people who’ve met someone through an online-dating site, it can feel like a tough one to answer. While some people have no qualms about sharing the details, others feel a bit embarrassed to go public with the information, somehow feeling it would be more “appropriate” if they had met their date just by accident, without really trying.
So, then, how do you explain how you met your online love? We asked that very question to more than 10,000 people. Check out the eye-opening results of our survey below, and then read our advice from experts and couples about how to know which approach is best for you — and how to pull it off with panache.
47% of respondents tell the truth and nothing but the truth.
Nearly half of you have no problem telling the world you met someone online. “I would be more uncomfortable telling someone that we met in a bar than that we met online,” says Michael Lasky, coauthor of Online Dating for Dummies, who met his wife online. “I mean, what’s the message of meeting in a bar? ‘I drink and I found someone who looked attractive,’ versus ‘I met somebody online,’ which means I’m probably very busy, confident enough to try something different and looking for someone with similar interests. Which option is more attractive to you?”
How to know if this approach is for you: People who’ve fallen head over heels for their online amour tend to be more willing to share the truth with others, says Lasky. So if you’re happily hooked up, who cares if you’re met with a surprised reaction from someone about how you met? You’re in love, after all! But if, on the other hand, you’re still in the early dating stages and aren’t sure the relationship will last for the long haul, you and your date may prefer to keep things under wraps until later. The more confident you become in your relationship, the less likely you’ll give a hoot who knows the minor details of how your paths crossed.
How to pull it off with panache: Announce your online liaison with enthusiasm — if you act apologetic, people will read between the lines and draw the conclusion that you have something to be embarrassed about. “I definitely admit openly and excitedly that I have met this wonderful man online,” says Jayne, 40, from New York. “Because I’m so positive about web dating, people respond positively.”
41% of respondents tell the truth to some people but not to others.
No matter how fabulous that person they met online is, a fair portion of respondents still weren’t comfortable with everyone knowing how they met — which is why they only tell certain people the whole story. “I’ve never been totally honest about online dating,” admits Laura, 31, of Garden City, KS. “I know that polls say almost everyone does it, but there are friends of mine, particularly guys, to whom I’d never admit that I met a dude online.” So what Laura will do is pick and choose who gets the truth. “I tell the truth to my girlfriends or anyone who mentions they date online, but for everyone else I just talk about ‘my date,’ not ‘Billy from my Internet dating site.’”
How to know if this approach is for you: This approach is best for people who enjoy gabbing about their dating life (what fun is it if you can’t spill some juicy details?) but swim in circles that might be more judgmental. So ask yourself: Would my life be easier (and lecture-free) if my parents thought I met my sweetie at a lovely little dinner party? Would mentioning online dating lead to a gazillion embarrassing questions when I'm out to lunch with a posse of married pals? In these situations, some people will decide that a white lie is the best option.
How to pull it off with panache: Take a cue from the circle you’re in. If they are good friends of yours, know that you’ve posted a profile or have mentioned knowing people who date online, you should be in the clear. If, however, you are amid judgmental types, just say you met wherever you had your first date, whether that’s the local Starbucks or over sangria and tapas. After all, it is true — that's where you two first met — and this way, you won’t have to go back on your word if you decide to elaborate about the online thing later on.
13% of respondents fib about the fact that they met online.
In spite of the fact that online dating has reached a high level of acceptance in today’s world, a few respondents still prefer to keep mum. “I could never muster the nerve to tell people I’d met my boyfriend online,” says Jennifer, 30, from Oklahoma City. “So, I would tell different stories. For work people or extended family, I’d say we met at a party or through friends or something. Sometimes if we were with a group of people we didn’t know, we’d concoct fantastic stories. My favorite was when my guy told someone that we met through our Chinese delivery guy who mixed up our orders. It’s so preposterous, people never questioned it. That’s what made it fun.”
How to know if this approach is for you: If you’re highly sensitive to other people’s opinions or are worried that someone might make a joke about online dating that would sting, fibbing may be the most comfortable way for you to go.
How to pull it off with panache: It may be fun to concoct a wild story with your date and tell it to a group of people you’ll never see again. But when you’re talking to close friends and family members, make sure you and your date have your story straight and stick to it — otherwise, it can backfire badly. “If you go down a false path and get tripped up, it’s pretty embarrassing,” says Lasky. “And if you then reveal that you met online, after you just lied, everyone is going to think you covered it up for a reason so there must have been something wrong with it.” There clearly isn’t, but that’s how you’ll be portraying your relationship.
Instead, just pick an interest that the two of you share — and probably mentioned in your profile — like a love of animals, an appreciation of fine wine or a talent for racewalking, and say that’s what brought you together. Because, in truth, it pretty much did. Or summon your courage and tell the honest truth: The bottom line is you’ve met someone you like — and could possibly love — online. What’s so bad about that?
Monday, February 8, 2010
Should You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Assuming you can both move on from your romantic relationship without any lingering feelings, is it always a bad idea to try to be friends with an ex? A male and a female writer weigh in.
By Diana Vilibert and Abraham Lloyd
He said: We tend to forget that relationships between two people are living, breathing, things. Just as it takes time for them to grow into something larger than ourselves, it also takes time for them to evolve into something different when we decide to leave our partners. Breakups, no matter how quickly we may want them to resolve themselves, are misleading. While they certainly represent the end of a relationship, they are really the beginning of a new one with our former partner. Can this lead to friendship? Certainly sometimes ... but that depends on significantly more than the agreements negotiated in the moment.
As a relationship optimist, I believe that it is completely possible to become friends with exes. Life is too short to hold grudges, and it seems absurd to exclude someone from your life that you cared about and with whom you shared special moments. That being said, this is rarely something that happens overnight. Just as it took time for your relationship to grow with your partner, time is exactly what is necessary to allow a relationship to evolve into friendship. Similarly, just as you made a conscious choice to have a partner, it can take even more commitment to turn a former partner into a friend.
Mutual breakups tend to turn into friendship more often than one-sided breakups as it is easier to negotiate the rules of friendship when former partners are in agreement and realize together that the relationship is over. One-sided breakups make this more difficult as one partner may still be holding on to the relationship that the other no longer wants. In these situations, a clear separation is necessary. Before friendship can be attained, it first has to be agreed upon with no conditions or ties to the previous relationship.
If your ex is using friendship as a way to "hold on" to your old relationship, then chances are you will not end up friends. Clinging to the past, however romantic it may be, rarely leads to resolving the relationship. If anything, it breeds distrust as it forces you to question the motives of your ex. On that note, how many friends do you have that you do not trust? Exactly.
She said: Being friends with an ex is tricky and difficult to pull off without hurt feelings, but if you're set on it, keep these pointers in mind:
1. Take a break: Some might argue you should never be friends with an ex, but at the very least, don't attempt a platonic friendship 24 hours post-breakup. Depending on how long and serious your relationship was, give each other at least a month to heal ... away from each other. No daily phone calls and no movie nights. You need time to readjust to your daily life and schedule without your ex by your side, which is difficult to do if they never leave it as you make the shift in your relationship.
2. Keep it clean: It's tough, but once the relationship is over, bite your tongue and resist rehashing fights and everything your ex did wrong ... both to his face and behind his back. If you're serious about being friends, badmouthing each other and throwing blame for the breakup won't get you there.
3. Know your limits: Can't handle hearing about an ex's new fling? Let him know. Explain that while you are ready to be friends, you still need some time before hearing about new love interests ... don't just grin and bear it. Make any off-limits conversation clear from the beginning. This might be restrictive or forced at first, but you can always decide that new relationships are back on the table for discussion later, when you're truly ready. Don't force it if it'll ruin your day each time he says another girl's name.
4. Don't dig up the past: If you have made the decision to be friends with your ex, try to keep your past issues out of it. People who were terrible romantic partners can make great friends, but you'll never find out if you're constantly mumbling passive-aggressive "yeah, you were never great at so-and-so" under your breath.
5. Reevaluate: Sometimes we're desperate to stay friends with our exes because we can't imagine them not being in our lives anymore. This is understandable and yes, perhaps it's really the case that you had a connection worth holding on to. But don't be afraid to go back on your promise of undying friendship if you find that feeling and enthusiasm cooling, whether it's because being friends it just too painful or because you realize you're just not into him, as friends or otherwise.
Abraham Lloyd is a divorced dad, closet geek, and aspiring author dating in New York City. He believes all men should own at least five jackets, know how to dance, and pay on a first date. You can tweet him at twitter.com/abrahamlloyd. Diana Vilibert is Marie Claire's Web editor, a chronic oversharer, closet romantic, and blind-date addict. You can e-stalk her at diana-vilibert.tumblr.com.
By Diana Vilibert and Abraham Lloyd
He said: We tend to forget that relationships between two people are living, breathing, things. Just as it takes time for them to grow into something larger than ourselves, it also takes time for them to evolve into something different when we decide to leave our partners. Breakups, no matter how quickly we may want them to resolve themselves, are misleading. While they certainly represent the end of a relationship, they are really the beginning of a new one with our former partner. Can this lead to friendship? Certainly sometimes ... but that depends on significantly more than the agreements negotiated in the moment.
As a relationship optimist, I believe that it is completely possible to become friends with exes. Life is too short to hold grudges, and it seems absurd to exclude someone from your life that you cared about and with whom you shared special moments. That being said, this is rarely something that happens overnight. Just as it took time for your relationship to grow with your partner, time is exactly what is necessary to allow a relationship to evolve into friendship. Similarly, just as you made a conscious choice to have a partner, it can take even more commitment to turn a former partner into a friend.
Mutual breakups tend to turn into friendship more often than one-sided breakups as it is easier to negotiate the rules of friendship when former partners are in agreement and realize together that the relationship is over. One-sided breakups make this more difficult as one partner may still be holding on to the relationship that the other no longer wants. In these situations, a clear separation is necessary. Before friendship can be attained, it first has to be agreed upon with no conditions or ties to the previous relationship.
If your ex is using friendship as a way to "hold on" to your old relationship, then chances are you will not end up friends. Clinging to the past, however romantic it may be, rarely leads to resolving the relationship. If anything, it breeds distrust as it forces you to question the motives of your ex. On that note, how many friends do you have that you do not trust? Exactly.
She said: Being friends with an ex is tricky and difficult to pull off without hurt feelings, but if you're set on it, keep these pointers in mind:
1. Take a break: Some might argue you should never be friends with an ex, but at the very least, don't attempt a platonic friendship 24 hours post-breakup. Depending on how long and serious your relationship was, give each other at least a month to heal ... away from each other. No daily phone calls and no movie nights. You need time to readjust to your daily life and schedule without your ex by your side, which is difficult to do if they never leave it as you make the shift in your relationship.
2. Keep it clean: It's tough, but once the relationship is over, bite your tongue and resist rehashing fights and everything your ex did wrong ... both to his face and behind his back. If you're serious about being friends, badmouthing each other and throwing blame for the breakup won't get you there.
3. Know your limits: Can't handle hearing about an ex's new fling? Let him know. Explain that while you are ready to be friends, you still need some time before hearing about new love interests ... don't just grin and bear it. Make any off-limits conversation clear from the beginning. This might be restrictive or forced at first, but you can always decide that new relationships are back on the table for discussion later, when you're truly ready. Don't force it if it'll ruin your day each time he says another girl's name.
4. Don't dig up the past: If you have made the decision to be friends with your ex, try to keep your past issues out of it. People who were terrible romantic partners can make great friends, but you'll never find out if you're constantly mumbling passive-aggressive "yeah, you were never great at so-and-so" under your breath.
5. Reevaluate: Sometimes we're desperate to stay friends with our exes because we can't imagine them not being in our lives anymore. This is understandable and yes, perhaps it's really the case that you had a connection worth holding on to. But don't be afraid to go back on your promise of undying friendship if you find that feeling and enthusiasm cooling, whether it's because being friends it just too painful or because you realize you're just not into him, as friends or otherwise.
Abraham Lloyd is a divorced dad, closet geek, and aspiring author dating in New York City. He believes all men should own at least five jackets, know how to dance, and pay on a first date. You can tweet him at twitter.com/abrahamlloyd. Diana Vilibert is Marie Claire's Web editor, a chronic oversharer, closet romantic, and blind-date addict. You can e-stalk her at diana-vilibert.tumblr.com.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Saints Vs Colts Who Will Walk Away SuperBowl Champ
MIAMI (AP)—Hoosiers and Who Dats.
And, oh yes, the two best teams in the NFL also happen to be on hand for Sunday’s Super Bowl.
Peyton Manning(notes) and his AFC champion Indianapolis Colts are 5-point favorites to spoil the ending of the New Orleans football renaissance for Drew Brees(notes) and the Saints. The odd twist to this story is that the boy who grew up in the Big Easy rooting for his dad as he quarterbacked the awful Saints may end up breaking its heart.
“You hear the term Hoosier Hospitality, and I really didn’t know what that meant, coming from New Orleans, where you hear Southern Hospitality,” says Manning, the league’s only four-time MVP who guided the Colts to the NFL title three years ago, in the same stadium. “I really feel it is kind of the same thing. It is good people.
“What has been exciting for me since I have lived there, it’s always been a sports town, but it’s really turned into a football town. That is the kind of place you want to play football.”
New Orleans always has been a football town, even when the Saints were the Aints—back in the days Archie Manning led the team and fans wore paper bags on their heads. But that four-decade love affair morphed into something soulful when the Saints inspired a city in ruin in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
“It’s important for not only the people in New Orleans, but I think the people around the country because you do understand how much it means to that community and what they’ve been through,” Brees says. “Our success as a team over the last four years, but especially this year, has been tremendous just in regards to giving so many of the members of that community hope and lifting their spirits.
“There is still a lot of work to be done there in regards to the rebuilding and the recovery post-Katrina. There are still a lot of people in some pretty dire straits. For us to be able to have the success we’re having, it just does so much for that community as far as bringing everyone together. There’s a bond that we have with our fans—between our organization and our fans—that’s truly special.”
The Saints (15-3) led the league in scoring with 510 points. If Colts All-Pro defensive end Dwight Freeney(notes) and his 13 1/2 sacks can’t go on his damaged right ankle, Brees, Reggie Bush(notes), Marques Colston(notes) and company might light up the Miami night with touchdowns.
So could the Colts (16-2) with their deep receiving corps and the incomparable Manning. Surpassing the 75 points in the 1995 Super Bowl (San Francisco 49, San Diego 26) is not out of the question. Doing it by halftime isn’t totally absurd.
When the Colts won their only championship representing Indy, Tony Dungy was the coach. Now it’s his hand-chosen successor, Jim Caldwell, and only two rookie coaches have ever won the Super Bowl. One of them, Don McCafferty, did it for the Baltimore Colts in 1971, the first title game after the AFL-NFL merger.
Dungy’s championship came in a historic matchup with Lovie Smith, the first two black head coaches in a Super Bowl. Caldwell’s presence as the fourth black man to guide his team to the big game has been a virtual non-issue.
“I think because of the fact that it’s becoming less of a story shows you that obviously there is some progress being made,” Caldwell says. “But I really do believe there are still a lot of things I think in terms of different thresholds and milestones to be crossed in that particular area.”
The Saints and Colts approached the unbeaten threshold in December. New Orleans was 13-0, fell at home to Dallas, then rested many regulars in losing the last two games. Indianapolis was 14-0 and perhaps headed for a 15th victory when Manning and other starters were removed in the third quarter against the Jets. New York rallied to win, and the backups lost at Buffalo in the season finale.
Didn’t matter much, did it? They both got here, albeit in different manners. The Colts handled the Ravens and Jets pretty easily. The Saints, following a romp past Arizona, needed several mistakes by Minnesota—including Brett Favre(notes) throwing an interception in the final seconds—before finally erasing that Super Bowl void in an overtime victory.
So will it be Mardi Gras in Miami or Peyton’s place?
“I feel like both teams have gotten to this point because of the success of the teams,” Manning says. “Certainly if you look at our regular season and playoff schedule it has been a team season. Different guys have stepped up along the way, making critical plays at critical times.
“That is how I feel this game is going to turn out. It will be somebody stepping up along the way, in a critical situation, making a play and you never know just who it might be.”
Could be a Who Dat. Or a Hoosier.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Waka Flocka Flame Discusses 'Rumors'
Waka Flocka Flame is home recuperating from a gunshot wound he suffered last month, but the 23 year-old said he's about to get back in the lab to finish a record called "Rumors," which has turned out to be pretty prophetic.
"They can't hold me down, they can't stop my shine/ They can't block my grind," he raps defiantly on the track.
"I made 'Rumors' probably like a month before I got shot," Waka said earlier this week in his home, right on the outskirts of Atlanta. "I always hear the craziest rumors about me — I got shot, I got robbed. I died. Just crazy stuff. They kidnapped my daughter, kidnapped my kids. Man, I ain't got no kids, period. ... I was like, 'Damn, I need to make a song about that.' I made one verse. Then I was like, 'Man, I ain't finnin' to talk about no haters.' To me, more people love me than hate me. I gotta focus on them. I'm hot. That's how I felt. Then I ended up getting shot for real. 'Rumors,' I'm gonna focus on that right now, drop that. Set that up for my next single. I'm gonna grand-slam that."
Of course, Waka's current single is "O Let's Do It." It's a street anthem that is lighting up the clubs and mixtape circuit.
"I did 'O Let's Do It' about a year and some months ago, on my first [street] CD, Salute Me or Shoot Me, Volume 1," he said about the record. "My mama, she heard all the songs I ever recorded. She said, 'I like that song. That song is gonna go.' "
Flocka's mom knows a few things about hit records. She manages him, Gucci Mane, OJ Da Juiceman and Nicki Minaj. Waka, though, wasn't into the cut and had reservations about pushing the song. Obviously, his mom won.
"When I made the song, I felt I messed my money up," he said about the record's meaning. " 'O Let's Do It' means any way you wanna do it. You wanna fight, you wanna pow-pow? You wanna bite, scratch, arm-wrestle? O, let's do it."
Although MCs from Ludacris to Lil Wayne have jumped on "O Let's Do It," making unofficial remixes, the real remix features Diddy, Rick Ross and Gucci Mane. The track came out Wednesday.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Black History Fast Facts
Fact #1
Elijah McCoy (1843 - 1929) invented an automatic lubricator for oiling steam engines in 1872. The term "the real McCoy" is believed to be a reference about the reliability of Elijah McCoy's invention.
Read Elijah McCoy's BiographyFact #2
Garrett Augustus Morgan (1877 - 1963) invented, among many other things, a 3-way automatic stop sign, which he sold to General Electric. It was used in the U.S. until the 3-light traffic sign was developed.
Read Garrett Augustus Morgan's BiographyFact #3
Otis Boykin (1920 -1982) invented electronic control devices for guided missiles, IBM computers, and the control unit for a pacemaker.
Fact #4
George Carruthers (1939 - ) invented the far ultraviolet electrographic camera, used in the 1972 Apollo 16 mission. This invention revealed new features of Earth's far-outer atmosphere and deep-space objects from the perspective of the lunar surface. Carruthers was inducted into the National Inventor's Hall of Fame in 2003.
Fact #5
James West's (1931 - ) research in sound technology led to the development of foil-electret transducers used in 90% of all microphones built today and in most new telephones being manufactured. West holds 47 U.S. and more than 200 foreign patents on microphones and techniques for making polymer foil-electrets. He was inducted into the National Inventor's Hall of Fame in 1999.
Fact #6
Mark Dean (1957 - ) along with his co-inventor Dennis Moelle created a microcomputer system with bus control means for peripheral processing devices. This invention allows the use of computer plug-ins like disk drives, speakers, scanners, etc...
Fact #7
George T. Sampson invented a clothes dryer that used heat from a stove in 1892.
Fact #8
Frederick Jones (1892 - 1961) held over 60 patents with most of them pertaining to refrigeration. His portable air conditioner was used in World War II to preserve medicine and blood serum.
Fact #9
Granville Woods (1856 - 1910) invented numerous devices relating to the railroad including a system of overhead electric conducting lines, air brakes and a telegraph system that allowed communication between moving trains.
Read Granville Woods' BiographyFact #10
Lewis Temple (1800 - 1854) revolutionized the whaling industry with his invention of the toggle harpoon in 1848.
Fonzworth Helps Relaunch JET Magazine
Rapper/activist/reality show star Fonzworth Bentley has teamed with Jet Magazine for a column with the upcoming relaunch of JET Magazine.
Today (February 3), JET revealed a brand new strategy and unveiled a new logo, new sections and a new layout for the magazine, which will feature Trey 
The changes are the most significant the magazine has made to its layout since its original launch in 1951.
Bentley’s JET column will touch on topics that directly impact Black America, along with new columnists Dr. Ian Smith and Warren Ballentine.
"As a world-class media company, we will solidify JET’s position as an innovator and leader in the African-American marketplace by offering expanded content that will entertain, inform and extend our readership footprint of the brand in a smart way," Linda Johnson Rice, chairman and CEO, told AllHipHop.com in a statement.
"We will continue to build our communication platforms to engage our audiences and address evolving consumer needs,” Rice added.
JET Magazine is the #1 African-American newsweekly in the world, with over 9 million readers each issue.
The newly designed JET Magazine will go on sale on Monday (February 8).
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